I hate my photo being taken. I always feel out of place. Like somehow, I’m going to be looked at. The main focus of peoples attention. I often end up acting the fool and then it’s always a joke photo.
You see, I have little lines under my eyes that I’m really self-conscious about. When I smile they crease and I look like a much older person. I got picked on so endlessly that I never really smiled and then I got called grumpy, serious, miserable and of course friends flocked to be around me.
I spent most of my childhood in a serious environment being told to grow up whenever I was acting my age and all it really taught me was to be stolid.
I believed that I wasn’t pretty because of my eye lines and tried desperately to be behind the camera at every opportunity. During my 20’s I managed to circumnavigate hundreds, thousands of photos of parties, holidays and events. Now I don’t have anything to remember them by.
You’d think by now things would have changed. Well they have, kinda. I’m still not jumping in front of the camera, I am taking many more photo’s even some with me in them. OK I admit it… most of the photos I take are of my son or the cats.
The most obvious thing occurred to me. We each take photos of those things that are most important to us. There’s me snapping away at my babies. My hubby is taking photos of George, Me and his car (??).
So when I look back at my 20’s and the sheer lack of photo’s, all I can think is “what was I passionate about?”. It’s sad to say nothing, but it’s true. All I did was work and work and work. I worked such long hours that I had no fun time. No wonder my then relationship failed. I never had time for him and the fun things that he wanted to do. Seeing live music, theatre, you name it.
In September 2020 I left corporate and started feeling so much better about life and you know what, I started taking photo’s again. It’s amazing at how a few photo’s can make such a difference. It’s also nice now flicking through the photos remembering the silly times with my best mates, George and my hubby. It’s a great memory aid that I’m sure will last me well into the future.
I’m turning 37 in a few months and I still have the lines under my eyes, maybe even a few more than I had when I was in my 20’s. I love the idea of having memories as keepsakes for the future for all those “I remember when … “ moments. I feel way more comfortable in getting infront of the camera.