• Vicky Poole

Opps I did it again!

No I’m not turning into Britney Spears… although I can rock those pig tails equally as well.

Yep… I keep repeating the same mistake over and over again. That’s OK though because every new thing that we learn needs to be practiced before the learning becomes second nature.

I’ve been learning to talk without judgement and I keep catching myself saying judgy words and phrases.

“I wouldn’t do that…”

“I know a better way for that”

And whilst it’s super easy to dismiss those as statements where I am trying to help, they can be so easily perceived as interfering, judging and can get the other persons back up.

We’ve all had days where we’ve been feeling a little sensitive and sometimes an innocent comment from a friend can tip us over the edge.

I’ve been tipped over the edge more times than I can count…

“Well you know that I have X on Y….”

“Haven’t we spoken about this before?”

Innocent comments said with good intentions actually had the most dramatic of impacts on my life.

By bringing my awareness to my development areas (AKA my learnings), I will act with more consciousness and will eventually, slowly but surely achieve success.

Success is confidence and drive to keep fighting to make the change.

Just call me Rocky!

I’ll get back in the ring. I won’t tap out!

I moved out of Newcastle permanently in 2007 and I haven’t looked back. I miss the North but there was only ever memories there, I couldn’t see a prospect for the future.

Yet I was so frustrated… I received regular feedback that I was short, curt and direct to a point that it intimidated my colleagues (which were mostly 50+ year old men!). They found fault with almost everything that I did. They verbally beat me and shaved ME out of me leaving someone who was compliant, docile and weak.

I started to believe that whatever I was going to say was going to be wrong, so I just didn’t say it.

I allowed myself to become a doormat.

Then I got promoted and self belief started to rise within. I worked for a strong willed woman who wanted someone to stand up to the men and wouldn’t take their crap.

I ended up finding myself and found belief in myself again that I didn’t know I still had. The belief was hiding down the back of the sofa with the other loose change I’d lost over the years.

Well, I had now found it and I was owning it. Heaven help someone who was going to take this from me again.

It might have been coincidence… but I had just split from my long term university partner, was living alone again and had a HUGE financial whole to fill. I don’t know whether I loaded up with fear and I found the confidence to go back to the old me… or whether I kit survival mode and I started running.

Survival mode is doing the things that we DO to keep us safe. Being boisterous was one of the things that kept me safe, so it came back... With vengeance.

So then I started being the real me and owned the stuff that I said. But this time I noticed that I was ineffective. My language wasn’t landing and I knew that I needed to make some changes, but this time I would be doing it for me.

I started learning about Clean Language which is essentially the use of straight-talking English that can be understood be someone whose English is not their first language. And then the most amazing things started happening… people started to understand me.

There was no more miscommunication. It felt amazing.

But then I thought why stop there? How far can I go?

I’ve been on my language learning journey for 10 years now and it feels great. I’ve had some of the most amazing wins.

>> I conveyed to my mother how much her language was impacting me

>> I supported my mother to make changes to her language so that we could communicate better

>> I removed people from my life who refused to treat me better

>> I haven’t had a screaming match with my partner for nearly 3 years although we have had disagreements, we’ve been able to talk it through.

With language being the corner stone of my life… it’s been so important to be able to communicate effectively. Now I take steps to make regular changes to get “better” and improve my communication effectiveness.

Simple but powerful.

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