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  • Vicky Poole

Looking forward to a position of achievement

It's almost impossible to for

get our negative experiences. We dwell on negative things to try to avoid doing them in the future. They are all stored carefully in the rear view mirror of our mind.

When we encounter a new experience or event, our mind (AKA the driver) looks into the rear mirror, selects the appropriate memory and presents it to us. We then have the option to repeat a past experience and get the same if not very similar result; OR we can do something different and receive a different result. This is perfectly natural, it’s the way that we humans have evolved.

Our basic learning instinct is “trial and error”. Have you ever watched a baby try to walk for the first time? They fall flat and then try again to get up and walk. They try new and different things until they make one step, and then another and another until they are walking.

The definition of INSANITY is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

If you want more SANITY in your life, keep reading.

Why so negative brain?

It's really rather simple. Our brain has evolved to store the "things that keep us safe" in a more accessible part of the mind so in times where a split second counts, that memory can be easily called up, it's nearer the front.

The brain is a learning tool for us to learn from negative experiences.

The brain stores every thought that you have had. Millions and millions and millions of them are all neatly filled away just waiting to be recalled. As we get older and gain more experiences, the brain reorders memories and keeps the ones where we were "hurt" to one side and archives the less important happy and mundane memories.

That way, whenever another similar experience is encountered, the brain can quickly check in and take steps to ensure that the body (that would be YOU) is kept safe.

That could be knowing :

  • When to duck in a boxing ring

  • The tone of voice a parent uses when they've had a bad day and you just know that the answers going to be NO before you even ask the question and you don't want an argument

  • A look that a colleague or client gives you and you just know that you need to stop right there, do not pass go, do not collect £200.

So why don’t we learn?

Why do some women always go for the abusive men? Why can't they leave them? (that's the age old question)

Our brain likes to feel that it's useful. It likes to find itself in situations that it KNOWS what to do.

The brain then tells us stories (AKA Self Talk) to contextualise what’s happening and reaffirms that the brain knows what to do next. This is more commonly referred to as Risk/Reward. It is LOW RISK not to change something or try something new, even if this yields a LOW REWARD as the outcome is known. But what if I was a HIGH REWARD?

When we know what to do next, we both in mind and body are happy. Even if that thing that we need to do next is going to be painful, we still do it.

It's shown all over the animal kingdom too - our brains are not abnormal by thinking in this way. The human brain has evolved to accept the pain of a learning period for a higher reward or result. Humans have become planners and life long learners.

Can you remember when you had your first driving lesson?

How easily do you get behind the wheel of a car now?

Consider your learning experience to get to where you are now.

Finding Sanity

This is the good bit, that you're all waiting for - right?

If you consider the result that you want to achieve first, then take the appropriate actions, then you don't need a rear view mirror any more. All of your past experiences then become nothing more than what they were at the time - an experience.

By considering the result that we want, we create our own new and exciting future by doing things differently.

When I was looking for my husband, I wrote down all of the things that I remembered about my ex and most of them were negative. I then changed them into what I wanted in a partner.

  • He didn't respect women -> He must respect women

  • He always competed with me at work -> He must be comfortable in me earning more than him

And the list went on and on and yes I found my hubby. He's everything on that list and then some.

Future Planning

We all know how easy it is to drive to your mate’s house because you know the destination. Our future is a destination unknown where the art of the possible resides.

Start with the end in mind and you can get anywhere, achieve anything and be whoever you want to be.

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