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  • Vicky Poole

Forgiveness Is Essential




Oh Mum! Monday 8th marked my Mums first birthday where she wasn't here with me. And it will be my Mother's Mothers Day without her too tomorrow, on March 14th. You get ready for the feelings of the day, you build yourself up ready to take a knock. What you don’t expect are the reminders that come weeks before. Flowers. Cards. The reminder you set in your calendar to sort them out. The Monday in itself was relatively uneventful. I saw clients. I worked. I played with my son. The clients I saw were talking about how their mum had influenced their lives. How they messed them up. How they are the person they ARE NOW because of them. I realised that I was replying the same story with my Mum in my head and had been for some time. My Mum was born in 1946 into a household where my grandfather had returned from the second world war. She was obsessed with other people's opinions and always made she that she (and I) were turned out properly if we ever went out into public. She would often do things based on what other people expected of her, rather than doing what she wanted to do. And I had to do the same. I would be at the receiving end of hurtful comments from Mum, because that's what other people would say and she "loved me enough to tell me" to save my feelings or some such. They didn't say those things to me. She did. I hated her, as a child, a young adult and a young woman. This was my Mum! I was supposed to be able to go to with any problem and she would help me to make sense of it and the world… Instead of giving me what I needed, all I was ever met with was other what people's expectations and impressions would be. There was just no point in talking to her.

When I was 29, I had a realisation at work that there was more to life and that I wanted to be part of it. I sought out a coach who helped me to resolve area's of my past that I thought had no meaning, but instead, I carried a false learning with me everywhere. It was like a dark fog that clouded my mind. It was toxic. I was suffocated. Up until the age of 7, we learn almost exclusively from our parents. We believe what they tell us. We believe that they will only every have our best interests at heart. I learned that I needed to be just like everyone else. That being me was a bad thing because I was different. Different would not be accepted. I wrapped myself in other people's skin so much so that ME, the original piece of priceless artwork couldn’t even be seen. In my experience with my coach, I unlearnt those learnings that I developed as a child. It wasn't easy….Some of those were big… Only my opinion matters -I am able to be loved as I am -I am perfect as I am -I am able to love and trust someone else In reframing my past I was able to see that those limiting believes had been holding me back. Now that I'm able to forgive those experiences, I can forgive my mother too.

I see that she was teaching me how to life in THAT time, and what WAS IMPORTANT then in order to fit in. She was protecting me in the best way that she could.

In my learning of that, I can see what I need to do as a mother now. Not only do I need to raise my son to live TODAY, I also need to empower him with the tools and strategies to support him as an adult.

-Change is good -Change is necessarily

-Even perfection can be imperfect -Forgiveness is essential




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