• Vicky Poole

Expectation and Disappointment

Why is our life filled with other people's expectations?

I remember when I told my LBG mates that I was going out with a man and it was "it'll never last". 2 years later we were married and I fell pregnant shortly there after. They were all accepting that this was ME and I was doing what I wanted to do. Plus I saved a fortune on sperm donation!

I remember when I told my inlaws that I was expecting and it was "Oh you'll have to get ready …"

I remember telling my mum that I was pregnant and it was "Oh you'll have to start planning …"

I remember telling my rugby club that I was pregnant and it was "I expect you'll be back after the baby is here…"

I remember when I told my dad I was pregnant and it was "what will your boss say when you tell him that you're leaving…"

Well before I decided to spend the rest of my life with my husband, we talked about having kids and how we anticipated that our lives would work around the family.

I had a high paying job, almost double what he made, and loved what I did. It all made sense for Martin to become the primary carer.

Everyone always says that kids change your life, but you never really think that it'll have that much of an effect on you.

I remember agreeing a special maternity package with work on the basis that I went back after so many weeks. I was adamant that work was going to continue as normal. I had my own expectation of my standard of living being upheld…

G was born and I had never felt love like it.

I went back to work and I expected to pick up where I left off, and the company had restructured whilst I was off and I had a different boss who didn't know what to do with me.

I expected life to go back to normal when I went back to work. And I was met with change and disappointment.

The restructure didn’t really allow for my head count and I was made redundant a few months later. Stupidly, if I had gone back to work part time as a returning mother, then they would have had to redeploy me. However as the primary earner (secondary carer) they could do whatever they liked and I had no legal foothold.

I took another role and I was warned off joining them and boy were they right!

I had an expectation that I would create my own experience. Their experience would not become MY experience.

By having expectations, we set ourselves up to be disappointed.

By having no expectations then whatever happens will happen and there is no emotional response to the outcome.

I write a blog post so that I can share my knowledge and experience. If someone reads it, great. If not, that's fine too.

I do what I for a living so that I may serve others. I allow them to think and see more clearly. To rid themselves of other people's expectations that they have received as presents over the years.

I support parents as they raise their children without sharing their expectations of them with them.

A life without expectation is a life with choice and freedom.

If you were free to do whatever you wanted without fear or judgement from anyone else, what would you do?

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